Here's to Happy Women...

Let's face it, we've all been in situations where we're supposed to be either happy or sad for a good friend...and the feelings just aren't there. So what do we do? Do we pretend or dare I say fake it? I'm talking about joyous occasions, like weddings and babies—or tragic situations like divorce and death. The major, momentous events—milestones on the everyday path of life. Consider this: Just because it makes us feel better to say something, do we really need to say it? And is it okay to fake it if our intentions are good? When faced with the announcement of a significant event from a good friend, the golden rules of friendship dictate that we act and react a certain way. It's mu ch the same as the little white lies we tell everyday to people we hardly know. Like, "I love your new hair color," when in fact we don ’t. Or "I’ve never seen a cuter baby," when in fact we've seen a lot of cuter babies. We've all done it. We're a...

How many times have you heard someone say, “I thought I could change him” or, “I thought she would change?” Trying to change people seems to be a national pastime. I say “trying,” because that’s all it is…an attempt, which is generally unsuccessful. I remember a friend in college w ho was convinced that she could change a gay friend of ours—if he would just have sex with her. Just like that, she believed tha t she had the power to change his sexuality. So confident (and relentless) in her quest was she, that our gay friend transferred to anoth er college—without putting her theory to test, and without leaving a forwarding address. Hmmm…I wonder why? Think about it. How many success stories have you heard? Sure, you may get your significa nt other to wear the clothes you pick out, including those stylish Italian loafers. But isn’ t this just window dressing? The sam e old model with a new coat of wax? When the wax wears off, and you’re not around, I’m betting the window dressing stays...

(Not to disappoint, but I'm talking about pets here. But read on...you'll get to the "sexy" stuff soon enough. I'm looking forward to your comments!) I bet that every pet owner has wondered what their pet does when no one is home. Some have installed cameras on their home and office computers to keep an eye on their pets while at work. I have one friend who still uses an old-fashioned answering machine instead of voicemail. She le aves four or five messages a day so that her golden lab "Sam" won’t miss her too much. Heaven forbid anything happens to that answering machine, because the dog has grown quite attached. At night, when my friend arrives home, the leash is waiting right next to the phone—where her dog put it. Cute. Remember the dog you grew up with? You know—the one that was in the y ard all day and in the g arage at night. Your parents never allowed him in the house, much less on the sofa. What about the cat? She was out carousing all nigh...

Why is it that we have some friends who make us feel good about ourselves, and then we have other friends who always tend to bring us down? And just like a marriage, for better or for worse, we hang in there with the downers for as long as possible. Faithful until the end. These days, many friendships outlast marriages. This makes me wonder...do I make my friends feel good about themselves? Or am I a downer friend? After all, I’m opinionated, pragmatic, and if you ask me a question, I generally tell the truth…as I believe it to be. On the plus side, this means that I will always tell my friends when their mascara is smeared or if they have a poppy seed or a piece of spinach in their teeth. But honesty is not always popular, and sometimes difficult to maintain— especially when a friend is going through a rough time. When friends have a problem, they generally want you to tell them only what they want to hear—and that’s usually what you do, because you don’t want to cause them m...

T o set-them-up, or not to set-them-up, that is the question. A friend of mine, who is fresh out of a serious relationship, wants me to set him up with the sister of another friend. Both are intelligent, hard-working, attractive and health conscious people. Seems like a no-brainer. So what's my dilemma? I've been burnt before and I’m tired of being unjustly tainted. Yes, I said tainted . Setting up a friend on a blind date is a lot like loaning money or selling your car to a friend. There’s always a chance that the friendship will suffer. I still hear about the problems that the brother of an ex-boyfriend of mine had with the Camaro I sold him a thousand years ago. Never mind that this kid never changed the oil in the car. For some reason I was at fault because it was once mine. The car always ran perfectly well for me and I’m still the tainted one. To this day, I can hear my ex-boyfriend’s mother saying, “…remember that Camaro John used to have, you know, the one Teri sol...

W hy is it that the grass always seems to be greener on the other side of the fence? Maybe it is and maybe it's just an illusion—an oasis that will disappear the moment you stake your claim. You buy a new car, and then a few months later another car comes along that you think you might like better. Instead of enjoying your new car smell, you just can't wait for the lease to end. Eventually you get the car you lusted after (note: the word "car" is exchangeable here). You drive the car a few miles—maybe on a weekender road trip—and it's not at all what you expected. In fact, it's not even as good as your last car. You know...the one you never appreciated until it (or he/or she) was gone. Maybe you long for what you don't have simply because you don’t have it. Perhaps a friend's new relationship seems more attractive than your current relationship. It's always the same, and we've all been there—even if we won’t admit it. Married folk envy the si...

W hy is it that the invitations we don’t get can be as agonizing as the ones we do receive? We’ve all experienced the pain of not getting an invitation. Like the Christmas party that all of your friends were invited to, but not you. How about the time when severa l of your friends got together for a movie—without calling you? This always hurts, so we put on a good show and say that we were busy and wouldn’t have been able to go anyway—even if we weren’t and we could have. Sometimes not being invited is due to miscommunication. Someone was supposed to call, but forgot. Perhaps the invitation was truly lost in the mail. Other times, you just weren’t invited. As hurtful as this is, there are times that I wish certain invitations had been lost in the mail, or someone had forgotten to make the call. Holiday invitations may be the most hazardous of all. My Thanksgiving last year involved an invitation to a friend’s house. She said, “come for dinner, you’ll have fun.” I thought about it f...