Pass the arugula, please.


A good friend recently invited me over for a celebratory dinner in her home. I wasn’t sure what the celebration was all about, and my friend didn’t offer an explanation. I do know that it was the first time in a long while that I have heard her laugh. She told me that the celebration was a surprise and that all would be revealed in good time. As this friend and I were both born on the same day, we share a lot in common, including a rather “sideways” sense of humor.
This invitation and my friend’s welcome laughter took me by surprise. You see, she recently separated from her husband, and is in the process of going through a painful divorce. I suppose the word painful is redundant, but I say it anyway — to make a point. The point being that this friend has been going through a rough time. She was married for 14-years, has a young daughter, and is living on her own for the first time in years. I didn’t realize how much I missed the sound of her infectious laugh. So I marked my calendar and told my husband that he was on his own that night.

I arrived at my friend’s home on the appointed evening promptly at 6:30. I brought two bottles of wine — a chardonnay and a pinot. I wasn’t sure what was on the menu for the evening and I never thought to ask. This wasn’t an issue for me, as my friend is a wonderful cook. Moreover, I have always thought this question rather rude. As if you would say no — or yes — depending upon the fare your host(s) planned to serve.
As I took off my coat, I was dizzy from sensory overload. Savory aromas drifted in from the kitchen and commingled with the scent of fresh-cut flowers and lavender from my friend’s garden. We settled in the living room. As we opened the chardonnay and filled our glasses, a chime went off in the kitchen. My friend jumped up to get what she called the “starter.” She returned with a small prosciutto and arugula pizza. It smelled heavenly. She proudly informed me that the arugula was from her garden. As we raised our glasses for the first toast, she said “To arugula.” So, I toasted arugula. Then we started on the pizza, which was definitely out of this world.
We polished off the pizza and poured another glass of chardonnay. Another buzzer went off in the kitchen and my friend asked that I meet her in the dining room. I settled in at the table and tried to imagine what was coming next. I also thought fleetingly of the celebration she mentioned. These thoughts vaporized when soon enough my friend joined me in the dining room holding two bowls of hot green soup. If you guessed pea soup, you are half right. It was pea and arugula soup garnished with mint and feta cheese. It was delicious. As we finished off the chardonnay, my friend raised her glass and said, “To arugula.” So, I toasted arugula once again.
As another chime went off, my friend gathered the empty soup bowls and headed for the kitchen. She asked me to stay put and open the other bottle of wine. Soon she returned with a platter filled with delicious looking chicken parmesan and what looked to be an arugula salad. Hmmm? I begin to wonder about the arugula at this point, but I say nothing as I fill our glasses with the pinot. My friend raised her glass for another toast. She said “To arugula.” And yes, one more time, I toasted arugula.
Trying to be polite, but definitely growing weary of arugula, I started with the salad. Then I noticed my friend chewing — and chewing and chewing and chewing. She skipped right over the arugula salad and went straight for the chicken — and from the look of it, the chicken wasn’t cooperating. She caught my eye, picked up her glass of wine, and before she took a sip, she croaked out “Pass the arugula, please.” I looked at her more closely...at her eyes. They were tearing up. I thought at first she was choking, and then I thought she was crying. I was wrong on both counts. She was laughing. She was laughing so hard that she was crying. I didn’t know what to do, or to say, so I passed her the arugula salad. She held it up over her head and said “To arugula...and overdone chicken!” Then she started to laugh so hard that I swear I saw bits of arugula flair out of her nostrils. I would like to say that I toasted the arugula once again, and the overdone chicken. I couldn’t, because now I was laughing too hard. I didn’t even know what was so funny. All I knew was that my friend was finally laughing again. She made it through that long dark tunnel and was out into the bright light of day once more. I also knew that whatever she was laughing at (or about) would reveal itself eventually. For the moment, I was just content to see her get outside the box for the first time in months. Laughter truly is the best medicine. Especially for the heart.
When we settled down, I finally (and cautiously) bit into my chicken. I chewed and I chewed and I chewed. Needless to say, we both burst into fits of laughter once again as I finally gave up and deposited the un-chewable chicken in my napkin. I don’t know how my wonderful cook of a friend managed it, but all-things arugula were excellent, but the parmesan chicken had more in common with beef jerky.
As we pushed aside our plates, I started to ask what exactly was going on. Before I could finish my sentence, another chime went off in the kitchen and my friend jumped up once again, calling “Dessert anyone.” I took this time to push my chicken around on my plate, wondering how anything that smelled so darn good, and looked so wonderful, could be so inedible.

As my friend returned with a platter of little desert cakes and coffee, I thought I smelled something familiar. It was my turn to jump up. I said, “I can’t believe you put arugula in the dessert!” Yes, her mini bleu cheesecakes with port reduction sat on a bed of — you guessed it — fresh arugula from her garden. Now, I love Arugula. Honestly, I do. But, enough is enough. As my friend started to laugh once more, she unceremoniously dumped the cheesecakes next to the “Jerky” chicken, I finally said “Okay, what gives? What’s with all the arugula...and why did you purposely ruin the chicken?”
It was then that she shared with me the reason for this very special and private celebration. I was there primarily as a witness, and to call 911 in case she choked on the chicken. She said that she finally felt free, safe, and secure. She finally felt like herself again...for the first time in years. She said that she had the arugula to thank for her newfound freedom from the past. You see, she planted her arugula garden, cultivated it, and then harvested it — specifically for this dinner. She overdid the bird on purpose, as well. She was making a statement, which in her case was a dish best served with a lot of arugula, overdone chicken and a couple bottles of wine.
She said that when she first separated from her husband that she got so very tired of everyone telling her that she would be okay in time — that time heals all wounds — just give it some time, and of course, only time will tell. All she heard was time, time, time. But how much time? Ahhhh. This they could never tell her. So, being the “sideways” chica that she is, she decided to plant an arugula garden. Furthermore, she concluded that when the arugula was ready to eat, then that was “how much time” she needed to be okay. To be herself again. Why arugula? Simple. Her soon-to-be ex-husband hates arugula. Why overdone chicken? Simple, again. Her soon-to-be ex-husband likes his chicken just a little underdone. She said she didn’t care if the chicken was so dry that she choked on it; at least she was eating what she wanted to eat. She was doing it her way. No more giving up herself — or her identity — for someone else, or to someone else. She did admit that she got carried away with the chicken, but she wouldn’t budge on the arugula. It was just as she planned: No more and no less.
As for “time,” my friend shared that once she planted her garden the time passed quickly. In fact, she said, it flew by. Every day she checked her garden. As the arugula flourished, so did she. When she nurtured her garden, she nurtured her wounded (and lost) soul. Then as the “time” drew nearer for her celebratory dinner, she grew excited. With a kind of excitement that she hadn’t felt in years — an excitement that she had forgotten that she could feel. She was alive...and she was going to be okay. Actually, better than okay.
So, far all of you out there just “passing” time, waiting for old wounds to heal, and wondering how much time is necessary, I tell you this story. My “sideways” friend found that the best way to pass the time was in her arugula garden. For you it may be something else entirely. In fact, I’m sure it is. However, I think there is something valuable to learn from my friend’s journey. I believe that it is within each of us — on our own — to answer the questions, “How can I cultivate my soul...how can I heal?” As you answer these questions, a bit of advice. Don’t concentrate on the “time,” or the passing thereof too much. Concentrate on passing the time meaningfully. Do something that has special significance to you — however symbolic it may be. Until then, I have a favor to ask. Could you please pass the arugula?

Postscript: Time may fly when we’re having fun...but it also passes no matter what. It’s the “no matter what” that counts the most.
Dedicated to my fellow “sideways” friend. I love the sound of your rediscovered laughter. Also, thank you Kacey for providing a rather fitting adjective for my musings. Sideways indeed!
© 2006 Teresa G. Franta

Comments

Anonymous said…
This was just lovely. Lovely! IYou are a very patient and understanding friend... most people would've demanded to know about the arugula after toasting "to arugula" for the first time! A most excellent celebration. It's always wonderful to see our friends recover.

As for just passing time, I've seen that so many people are so accustomed to "instant gratification" that, if they can't get it NOW, they don't want it at all. I've talked to my husband about long term plans, like saving for vacations or household items that we want, or even eating and living healthy, but if anything takes months or years, he's less than enthusiastic. I tell him that we have to pass the time anyway, so we might as well work towards a goal, to give us something to accomplish. We can either save a small amount of money each month for the next five years to take the kids to Disney World, or we can spend those same five years plodding along without that goal to look forward to... I know which one I prefer!
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Raynwomaan...not so sure if I am patient, or just curious to see how things play out. Either way, you bring up a great point. Goals are important. Long term goals can be frustrating, so I always try to intermingle some shorter-term plans into the mix. Makes it a bit easier to get to the big ticket items.

Ciao for now chica...have a great week.
Nicole said…
Having someone tell you to "be patient" or "it'll happen eventually" has got to be some of the hardest advice to swallow (no pun intended). I remember going through that during my "why don't I have a man" days (many moons ago). My friends were all married or well on their way there meanwhile that guy I'm looking for was nowhere to be found. But the only suggestion I'd get is to sit back and just "let it happen." They were right but it didn't make ME feel any better! ;)
Reach said…
Teri,
To Arugula! To Fridays, I've told you before.

My garden is my friends, family, and fellow service members. I do everything in my power, something I could not previously do with the flying position, to enhance their successes. My toast to arugula is held high with their excited faces, as I see there acheivements come to light.
You are so much more patient, than I. I know, I could not last as the witness for your friend. I guess it is the child in this "guy".

To Kacey, I do not know you; however, I toast to YOU, and arugula. May your days be filled with success and laughter.

Reach
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Nicole...almost like someone telling you there's plenty of fish in the sea. If you're a flounder or a snapper, okay then. But for the the mere mortals...no help at all, even if they're right.

Ciao chica...thanks for stopping by and please, have a great week. (with eric?)
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Blue Heron...time is always on our side. I wish I had learned this years earlier.

Thanks for stopping by...ciao for now chica.
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Reach...you are such a tender soal. We should all toast Kacey for her sideways metaphor. It is truly me...and it is truly a fitting description for my musings.

BTW, Reach...you are very patient. Don't sell yourself short.

Ciao my friend. Have a great week.
Chris said…
Ah, another fantastic post. You have the most incredible friends. And, from what I've read, you must be quite an amazing friend yourself.

Brilliant. We're about to entertain some friends of our own, so I'll be going. But I wanted to thank you once again for starting my weekend off right.

It's not Friday without Teri!
Kacey said…
As Blue Heron said, "Make friends with time", because tempus fugit!
Your friend, in her pain, needed time to heal, but there will come days when you just want more time. To every one of your loyal readers, I say --- enjoy this time of your life. It will never come your way again. Mine is running out by sheer numbers of allotted days of life and I want more --- even if I have to feel pain sometimes. Most of life has been feelings of love and happiness, my cup overflows with it. I'm hoping your friend will find someone who loves arugula as much as she.
And Teri, I bestow my "sideways thinking" upon you to keep for your own. I don't need it so much, now that I am old enough to tell it like it is!
Another insightful post. Thanks.
Julie said…
Bravo to your friend. I know that 'when' can be such an enemy, especially when dealing with pain. Every day feels like a week, a month a year. It's good to grieve, but also to know when it's time to move on. Your friend is brave, and I absolutely LOVE that she made everything with the arugula and overcooked the chicken.
B.S. said…
I love symbolism and I'm always looking for new ideas. This one certainly is unique, and obviously just the ticket for your friend. (How on earth did you accumulate such an impressive array of friends?) Thanks for another entertaining post with a point!

Hugs,
Betty
Shankari said…
Ah! And arugula is an aphrodisiac too! Though I do wonder whether that was the spirit behind the toast?


Yes, I'm not the most patient of waiters too- so when people would tell me (at various points in my life) that time heals, I too would often ask when. But typically the answer would flash as I would find a new interest, a new hobby, something to stimulate and challenge me- I believe there are some good aspects to being Attention-Deficit! :)
Sarah Beth said…
Wow,I really liked this one. I believe it is my favorite. Si si, the taste of "arugula" is sweet. I'm glad your friend got a taste of it, or rather, is drowning in it. Kudos to her!
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Chris...I wonder if you had any arugula on the menu? Thank you for being such a supportive reader and for always weighing in from the other side. And by other side, I mean that very important male point of view.

Ciao my friend...enjoy the rest of your break.
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Kacey...would that everyone could have your outlook on life. I am sure that you make each day count. Forward, backward, upside down and sideways.

Ciao chica...and take care with your special friend - time.
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Betty...I think my friends are pretty special too. Mostly because they put up with me. I know they don't always "get" me. But that's okay. I don't always "get" me either.

Take care dear Betty...and have a wonderful week.

Ciao bella.
Sideways Chica said…
Ahhhh...leave it to Shankari to point out the aphrodisiac connection. Wonderful chica. I will pass this on to my "sideways" friend. Or, maybe not. Perhaps I will just wait and see what happens. I would hate to rain on her parade. Or should I say "douse" her fire?

Also, good for you to put a positive spin on something that others would paint in negativity. Creativity and ADD go hand in hand I believe.

Here's to you and your great outlook on life - your life.

Ciao for now chica. Enjoy.
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Somebody Girl...back at you. Thank you for your kind words.

Here's to drowning in a "sweet" taste of our own choosing. Also, very clever wordplay chica...with the "sweet" reference. I assume you were playing on the "revenge" inference...as I did with "...a dish best served..."

Ciao chica...enjoy the week.
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Jules...I love that you love it! I also love your "when" reference. I like this much better than the saying that "time" is the enemy.

Sorry I missed your message earlier...for some reason it "just" showed up on my screen. Is it a "when" thing? A "time" thing? A Cox cable thing," or a Blogger thing? Who knows...but thank you for weighing in. I always love to hear from you.

Ciao chica...enjoy the "when" or the "whenever."
Leann said…
I'm glad your friend is findng/found peace in her life. Divorce is painful and trying at best. Thank the heavens above she has friends like you for moral support.
Sideways Chica said…
Thank you Leann for your words of support for my friend. Yes, she has a wonderful support group. I wish you the same.

Ciao chica...have a great week.
Ballpoint Wren said…
I love this story!

I think I would've been curious to know the reason for the arugula, but that sounded like such a lovely dinner that I would've probably lasted all night before asking.

I mean, prosciutto and arugula pizza! Pea and arugula soup garnished with mint and feta cheese! Mini bleu cheesecakes with port reduction! And good wine, too!

(That chicken jerky sounds just like my Chicken Parmesean, so no complaints there.)

I never ask questions when my mouth is full, that's for sure.
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Bonnie...always good to get your comments. Yes, I was curious...but I knew that there was more to come and I didn't want to ruin the surprise.

You are also right about the meal...it was so good, the overwhelming abundance of arugula and overdone chicken aside, that this made it more palatable to be patient.

Ciao for now...and thank you for the link and mention on your site.
What a lovely post. So glad your friend is finding herself once again.

Love arugula, coudl it it all day. I agree with you on the thing with people asking what is being served as if it makes a difference. I used to work for some people who would ask what was in baked goods I would occasionally bring in. My usual response was, "poison".
that would be, could eat it all day.
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Juliemora...thanks for the clarification, I figured as much. :)

Glad you get the "what's being served" thing. I like the "poison" thing. Think I'll borrow it. But first I'll make sure it's not someone asking because of food allergies...which I have yet to encounter. There's always a first though.

Ciao for now chica...
Sideways Chica said…
Thank you lucifleur...and cheers to you too!

Ciao.
Priyamvada_K said…
Wow! Nice point, subtly presented too. Basically - do something that makes you happy, to nurture your spirit - and the healing will be automatic. Kudos to your friend for setting a time limit and also doing something she loved.

Priya.
Sideways Chica said…
You've got it Priya! That's my point and I'm stickin' to it!

Ciao chica...so good to hear from you!
Angel said…
We all have our arugala...

and we should all embrace it.
Sideways Chica said…
Dear Angel...well said. Here's to knowing what our own personal arugula is...and embracing it!

Ciao chica...

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