Are we there yet?

On an exceptionally dark night recently, I was driving home from an appointment and missed the easy right turn into my neighborhood. The SUV in front of me — and the family within — had distracted me. I guess I wanted to see what was playing in their cozy little “backseat” cinema. Let me correct that statement: I couldn’t miss what was playing – it was unmistakable and annoying. Sure, I’ve seen “Finding Nemo” before...just not front and center while driving down the road. To get back home, I had to drive an extra half-mile, wait to make a u-turn, and then drive another half-mile back, and then wait again to make the final left turn. All because of a clown fish who couldn’t find his way back home. Irony at its best — or rather, worst.

When I told my husband about my distraction, he laughed and said that he sees this quite often. He also told me about a recent television program he watched. He described a scenario with a family driving through a gorgeous national park, with the kids entranced — not with the scenery displayed out their car window, but with the scenery playing on their portable DVD player. Wow. This started my wheels turning. I wish I had seen the show. Instead, my imagination took over.

I conjured up a family traveling through the wilderness in their sporty new mini-van. They were surrounded by breath-taking beauty on all sides. A waterfall was roaring up ahead in the distance, a small herd of deer was grazing peacefully on the side of the road. All family members were captivated. Even the cloud formations were putting on a show. Comfortable and safely situated in their spacious van, the parents gazed ahead in the distance, enthralled by the stunning scenery all around. So different from the suburban city they call home...and reminiscent of trips they had taken with their parents years ago. The children (ages 4 – 8) were quiet, well behaved, and equally as mesmerized as their parents. Had the children ever seen a waterfall before — in person? No, only on TV. What about the deer? Had they witnessed these creatures in their own habitat before? No, only on TV. Were the children excited to see these miracles of nature in real life? Not at all. They were oblivious to anything happening beyond their comfortable back seat movie theater. Their attention was held captive by a little screen attached to the roof of their car. They were almost to the end of a two-hour movie that kept them absorbed for the better part of their long drive through some of our country’s most beautiful (and natural) landscape. Did I mention that the children were quiet? There were no cumbersome questions about where waterfalls come from...or why some of the deer had “horns.” The parents and the children were quite happy and content in their own worlds — with their own views and their own distractions.

Perhaps I’ve made my point, but my active imagination does not stop here. I wonder...do kids still write “What I Did on My Summer Vacation” reports? I think about the reports from my youth. While they are long gone, the thought awakens vivid memories of camping and fishing with my parents as a child. I remember the essays that my boys wrote documenting our family vacations. I smile as I recall these trips and the fun we shared. I stop smiling when I envision how the reports of these imagined children, glued to their DVD player, would read.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

My summer vacation was great. We went to Yosemite National Park and I watched “The Incredibles” on the DVD player in our new mini-van. It was a long drive and the movie ended before the drive did. I put in “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” and my brother, sister and I watched the first half hour of this movie too. I’ve seen both of these movies many times, but never in a car. I learned a lot on this trip. I am the only one in the family who knows how to run the DVD player. From now on Dad says it is my job. My mom and dad were very happy because we did not fight with each other, and we did not bug them about how much longer the drive was or ask a lot of questions. My mom mentioned something about some deer. The next time we go on vacation in our mini-van I am taking my Bambi DVD.

There was also a DVD player in the cabin we stayed in. We hardly went outside. This was good because we did not ruin any of our clothes. My Dad could nap and watch golf in his room instead of taking us hiking. He said he came home more rested from this vacation than ever before. He is glad the DVD player in the mini-van was a hit with us kids. He said, “It’s a keeper.” He used to say this when we went fishing a long time ago. I don't remember the last time we went fishing. Sometimes we watch it on TV. We did take our fishing poles on the trip, but we were busy watching movies and TV and did not have time to fish. Dad sure was happy about this too. He didn’t have to untangle any lines or clean any fish.

I know I have exaggerated the point, but it seems my little “Nemo” episode got to me — hook, line and sinker. In our world of instant gratification, with almost any means of communication at our fingertips (anywhere and anytime), I try to find the positive side of DVD players in cars. I can’t. I think that these children, glued to little glowing screens in the car, are couch potatoes in the making. I think they are learning about the world — but not seeing their world. Not everything we see out of our windows is pretty or enjoyable, but it is worth seeing. It’s called life, and nothing on the little (or big) screen comes close to the real thing. These children may never know this, because you can’t know what you haven’t experienced. It’s just not relative.

Albert Einstein was all about relativity; gravity and motion in space and time. Thank goodness that he had the world in which to view and ponder. Today, it’s all about “Baby Einstein” DVDs and videos. I wonder how Einstein (the original) would feel about children making almost no motion — sitting captive in front of a screen, just taking up space. Sure, the wheels on the car are turning, and the children are going someplace — but where? Where are they going? Is it only the destination that’s important? What about the trip itself...the journey? Einstein could probably find the relativity here — the common denominator connecting all the dots. As I'm no Einstein, I cannot.

I do realize that this issue is relative to time — and that history has a way of repeating itself. Many of the same concerns were debated with the advent of television. I feel fortunate that “time” was on my side. I’m sure that if DVD players were available for the car 15 years ago, I would have been sorely tempted to keep the kids quiet — and justify it as “educational.” Thank goodness that I didn’t have to make that choice. As I am not one for hypocrisy, I will admit to the GameBoy craze. I let the boys play Tetris and Mario Brothers on our frequent drives up to Mammoth. I also monitored them — just as I monitored their TV time and what they viewed on the Internet. I only let them play their GameBoys for short periods of time. They were okay with this. Even though the boys knew the route to the Sierras well, they never knew when a herd of elk might be grazing by the side of the road. It was always a special treat for whoever sighted them first. Plus, they were so excited to get there — be it for fishing in the summer or skiing in the winter — that they tracked every mile of the trip. I can’t begin to guess at the number of times we played the alphabet game, or sang along to their favorite songs on this 6-hour drive.

I’m not saying get rid of your DVD players. I’m saying that enough is enough — and that there is a time and a place. Moderation is the key — especially when it comes to impressionable minds. Don’t you think that we, as the adults, have the responsibility to monitor what impresses these little minds? For me, the answer is yes — and the waterfall wins every time.

Perhaps it’s my empty nest that causes me to embrace this subject so vehemently. Can it be that I miss those non-stop questions, such as, “Why is the grass green?” Can it be that I miss those never convenient pit-stops to go tinkle? Yes, I miss those days — but I have wonderful memories of our time together; fishing, camping, surfing, boating, hiking, making bonfires, singing, dancing, and laughing. It’s a bit scary to think that I might not have some of my cherished memories if a DVD player had gone along for the ride.

I am a firm believer that what we learn is relative to what we see — and perspective comes from vision. My boys grew up looking out the car window at the desert sky on the way to visit grandma in Arizona, or watching for deer, elk and eagles on the way to Mammoth. They learned about sharks while boating on the ocean...not on the Discovery Channel. Sure, they watched videos — with subject matter derived from interests they cultivated while doing, not watching. Everything they know, they did not learn from TV. I hope they carry this interactive lifestyle forward with their own children someday. I hope they know when and where to hit that play button — and when and where to fast forward, eject, and connect the dots in real life. If not, they’ll need a “moderator.” Hmmm? Wonder who that could be. Did I hear someone say grandma? Not too soon though. We're not there yet.

Dedicated to my boys: Thanks for the memories.

© 2006 Teresa G. Franta