Do these pants make me look fat?

If we have to ask, then we already know the answer. Why then do we ask the question? For false reassurance? For the truth? Either way it’s a lose-lose situation. It's not even a real question. We only ask this faux question if we think the pants make us look fat. Therefore, it doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say. Yes or no, only our opinion counts. Those who are drawn into this sticky web are doomed, whether they tell a little white lie or the truth. A lie is a lie, white or not. Once we know someone has lied to us — and believe me, we do know — we start to wonder what else rings false. The truth can be just as dangerous. It often leads to hurt feelings, frustration, and sadly, “lights out” in the bedroom. Sure, the truth may lead to a few sessions on the treadmill, but the truth also hurts. It will continue to sting long after the offended bootie has been chiseled and toned. Gone...but definitely not forgotten.

You can relax — obsession with our bodies and staying fit is not my focus. It’s the obsession we have with our weaknesses that intrigues me. It’s like pointing out a blemish or a cold sore that we’ve just spent 20 minutes trying to conceal. Maybe, with all our artistic effort, it will slide by unnoticed. Not if we point it out — and that’s generally what we do. We focus on our flaws. We pick at them, let them fester, then we try a little camouflage. Finally, after all that, we point them out anyway. So why bother with the cover-up?

Negativity comes to mind...and the fact that we are the harshest critics to our own selves. We can just as easily point out our strengths, but we usually don’t. We can say “do these pants do justice to my firm muscular thighs that I’ve spent hours toning at the gym?” Okay, so I exaggerate to make a point. But we can balance things out a bit and direct the focus to something that makes us feel good about ourselves, instead of something that we dislike, or something that makes us feel self-conscious. We don’t always have to make that play and point out our flaws. Besides, so what if “baby's got back” — there are some people who like an ample bootie. Did I hear someone say J. Lo?

It's true that we may view our individual flaws and weaknesses through a microscope, but others may not give them a first thought, much less a second glance. This isn’t just a girl thing. I recently complimented a friend on his new mustache. He immediately told me that his hairstylist trimmed it incorrectly and that it wasn’t straight. Next thing you know, I’m staring at his mustache as if it’s going to explode. Another recent encounter involved an older gentleman whom I met for the first time a few months back. I mentioned our first meeting and told him that I remembered his great hat. Big mistake. Immediately his hand flew to his hair (smoothing, patting, primping) and he says “Why do you say that? Is my hair a mess?” Truthfully, his hair was rather windblown, but I hadn’t noticed — until he pointed it out. I was much more interested in his gentle green eyes and friendly smile. Now I’m stuck with the vision of the hair... and the knowledge of his insecurity.

I've got a new plan. I’ve decided to stop playing the pick and fester game. I'm going to put a more positive spin on my thoughts, words and actions. I resolve to stop pointing out my flaws — physically, emotionally and professionally. I resolve to take a compliment when given — no ifs, ands or BUTTS — just thank you very much. I also resolve to play to my strengths, while quietly (and privately) working on my weaknesses. If I am more positive, it will improve my outlook, and thus, the outlook of those around me. Do I think that I'm a negative person? No, but one can always be more positive. I recognize that I am a work in progress. It’s the nitty (really gritty) details of my progress report I intend to keep to myself.

I challenge you to do the same. The next time we start to ask some poor, unsuspecting soul if our pants make us look fat, let’s not. Let’s focus on our positive assets, which may include an engaging smile, beautiful eyes or a loving spirit. The next time we start to point out our flaws, let’s not. Let’s give a little credit to other people — let them look upon us objectively. If beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder, then let them behold us from their point of view, not ours. After all, they won’t be nearly as critical as we are. That's a good thing, because I’m having one heck of a bad hair day. Thank goodness I look great in hats. At least I think I do. Oh well, I didn’t say it was going to be easy.

Postscript:

Some parting advice...

Chicas: If you think a pair of pants makes you look fat, then take them off immediately (if possible) and put something else on that makes you feel better about yourself. If you wear a pair of “I think these make me look fat so it doesn’t matter what anyone else says anyway" pants, you’ll feel self-conscious, then you'll get cranky. Eventually you may even start a senseless argument with your significant other about some issue that you don’t care about anyway. Trust me on this, I know...and so does my significant other.

Guys: If you're ever asked this faux question, feign sleep or run. Whatever you do, don't tell the truth, but don't lie either.

© 2006 Teresa G. Franta