It's just not that important to them.
It’s important to me. It’s important to you. It’s just not that important to anyone else. If it’s not important to others, then we can’t count on them. How often does this occur in our lives? Whether it’s the guy who shows up over an hour late for your party with the ice, or one of your good friends arriving with hors d'oeuvres just as dessert is being served, the answer is all too often. Sometimes it’s little things that inconvenience us, other times it’s bigger issues — issues that can effect the quality of our lives.
Let’s start with bigger issues. My husband had what was supposedly a “no-brainer” knee surgery 8-months ago. Now, after months of complications, including two new issues that cropped up and allegedly had “nothing” to do with the surgery, we’ve been told that my husband has advanced osteonecrosis of t
he same knee. Again, the doctor tells us that this new condition is not related to the surgery, even though not one indicator relative to osteonecrosis showed up on any pre-surgery x-rays, MRIs or CT scans. Now, my husband has to wear yet another uncomfortable contraption that may or may not keep him from a total knee replacement in the future. After prescribing this new brace, the doctor tells us to come back in two weeks for a check-up before he leaves with his family on an extended European vacation. No scans are on the schedule, he just wants to “see” my husband. Every month we go through the same routine — a new diagnosis, a new scan, and then a new brace. I know exactly what the doctor will ask. He’ll say, “How are you doing?” My husband will respond with, “How would I know? You have me wearing this brace 24 hours a day, so I can’t tell.” Personally, I feel like the appointment is just so the doctor can appear concerned and to appease his conscience. He feels better because at least he thinks “he’s doing something” as my husband’s knee continues to die, along with the quality of his (our) life. Am I being pessimistic when I say that I don’t expect any positive results at the next appointment with this doctor? Am I being petty when I admit that I’d like the doctor to wear my husband’s uncomfortable, itchy and inconvenient brace 24 hours a day, while squiring his family around France and Italy? Am I being honest when I say that my husband’s situation is just not that important to this doctor? It has been one thing after another and I feel as if the condition of the knee has been allowed to worsen (if not develop) due to an apathetic approach of someone that is just going through the motions. I’m tired of Dr. Apathy, and his disinterested approach.
Apathy brings me to my point. When did our society become so apathetic? I can only believe that it was gradual and we let it sneak up on us. I think we’ve experienced so much apathy that we eventually became accept
ing of such behavior. We’ve let this way of life become the norm, as in “that’s life, shit happens, get over it and move on...and whatever you do, don’t rock the boat.” What if we can’t get over it? What if we don’t want to accept apathy as the norm? What if we want to take a proactive stance and rock the boat? Will we be labeled as rebellious, over reactive, just plain unreasonable...or dare I say bitchy?
Can’t we tell the guy that arrived late with the ice (so late that the host already left his party
, went to the store and bought ice) that he’s an inconsiderate, disrespectful and apathetic moron? Can’t we take the hors d'oeuvres that arrived just in time for the crème brulee and toss them over the balcony? Can’t we take this doctor, get in his face, and make him understand that this is our life that he’s “playing doctor” with...and our future that’s at 
risk? Yes, of course we can do all of these things. The iceman won’t get it no matter what, so we just won’t have him bring ice anymore. The hors d'oeuvres lady will either be assigned dessert next time or she’ll never speak to us again. The doctor will continue to pass the buck while charging us a fortune, and eventually he'll see us in court — and still some people will think that we over-reacted and that we should have given these apathetic creatures just one more chance....and gone with the flow. I've found that if something doesn’t directly affect someone’s life, cause them discomfort or inconvenience, then it’s just not that important to them. They just don’t care...or they don't care enough.
Think of the Boston tea party, think of equal rights, think of freedom, and yes, think of the guy with the ice. Perhaps I’m being glib and disrespectful to lump our freedom fighting ancestors in with a discussion about an inconsiderate and unreliable iceman. Perhaps I’m being silly for thinking of the similarity between my husband’s doctor and a Blockbuster employee who was taking a personal call on his cell phone the other day while four customers were waiting to check out. What does all of this have to do with the historic tea party? Nothing, except that if we needed to have a tea party today, I fear it would never happen — it would be lost in committee, forgotten on someone’s schedule, or too many participants would show up late, or not at all. And I bet they wouldn’t call to let anyone know. Why? Because it just wasn’t that important to them.
Did I hear someone say “diplomacy?” I think I’m fresh out of diplomacy. I
used to say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” Many people said this. Books were written; bumper stickers printed up, and guess what? Most of us bit — hook, line and sinker. We no longer sweat the small stuff. It was a successful campaign, to be sure. The problem is that while we were busy not sweating the small stuff, the definition of “small stuff” changed. Now, many people don’t even sweat the larger stuff and most of our youth have learned not to sweat anything at all. Another day, another dollar, the sun will come up tomorrow, business as usual...and yes, shit happens.
What bothers me the most is that I write this without enough animosity. I’m not as angry as I should be. Frustrated, yes, but I’m not that mad. If anything, I’m numb. I have focused on my own issues lately and haven’t been following other, worldly concerns that affect all of us, if not now, then at some point in the future. Does this mean that I too
have become apathetic? If I have, then it’s time to have a tea party...or at least a tête-à-tête with myself. It’s time I rally my troops — and wake up my little gray cells and put them to work. It’s time I tell the iceman to melt off, tell the hors d'oeuvres lady to stick them in the fridge, and it’s definitely time to stop accepting the apathetic status quo. It’s time I schedule an appointment with a new doctor for a second opinion on my husband’s knee — with someone who can provide an objective opinion and a non-apathetic approach to all that this poor, bruised and battered knee represents. It’s also time I start reading the newspapers again, watching the news and catching up on world events. It’s also time to tell the kid at the video store to put down his cell phone and do his job. It’s time to rock the boat, diplomatically or not.
No one has diplomatic immunity for a-pathetic behavior. No one should be accepting of inappropriate behavior — whether by friends, family, 
associates or the general public, inclusive of doctors, lawyers and Indian chiefs. People should not get away with doing something (or nothing) just because it’s not that important to them. Apathy is dangerous. Apathy is contagious.
I’m off to my tea party. I’ll be on time, I’ll bring what I’m supposed to bring, and I will not be inconsiderate of o
thers or apathetic to their concerns. If need be, I will sweat the small stuff, the medium stuff and the large stuff. If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me. Go ahead, call me a rebel. Call me anything you like. Just call me...especially if you’re going to be late with the ice.
D
edicated to the iceman. It's time to revoke your license to chill...me thinks you’ve “ chilled” enough
Comments
Hope you are all doing well and I will get back to you as I can.
Ciao for now...
Teri
I see it all the time in restaurants, in waiting rooms, in grocery stores. The mantra seems to be, "If it's not important to us then God help you if it's important to you!"
Be pleased, though, that you are not dealing with Britain's NHS. The NHS recently fined a hospital for being "too efficient". Waiting lists mean you get a year's wait sometimes to see a consultant, and because this one hospital managed to run smoothly, it had to be penalised.
Something is wrong here. And I agree - we have become too complacent. We are like old yard dogs: no fight and no bite.
I am often told off for being too direct. In England they don't like directness or complaints or boat rocking. To hell with that! I'm coming to the tea party. Tell me what I need to bring along.
I'm careful to praise my children for being caring and considerate of others, because I don't want them to learn apathy! It's a tough opponent to battle, though, because, well, who cares? Who *really* CARES? In fact, I often feel like this is a lesson that I'm teaching them all by myself. There are influences in my children's very lives that try to suggest that our little sphere is the only one of importance, and it should always be in "lock down" - Nobody gets in, and nobody gets out! Not me. I want to say, "mi casa es su casa" (as stated before - with limits ;). If you're hurt, I want to soothe it. Anxious? I'm quite calming. Overwhelmed or need help? I'm there. I have, in fact, gone behind the counter (at Blockbuster... but I had the advantage of having worked there before) to help an employee figure out how to properly ring up a sale.
And apathy hurts. It makes me sick to see how pain is ignored, solitude and isolationism is acceptable and even preferred. There is a deep connection of humanity that is being denied and it's crumbling the foundations of society as we know it. You're right - today, there'd be no Boston Tea Party. If such were possible, we'd not be paying so much at the pump! Our country wouldn't be stuck in a toxic political quagmire...
Alright, I'm going to step off your soapbox now, Teri. Swing away, sister!
Count me in for the tea party!
I hope you find a SYMpathetic (and better, EMpathetic) doctor, who can really help your husband (and you) get a handle on that knee!
If speaking up and not taking it lying down makes me a bitch --- than I wear bitch proudly.
I will buy the damn t-shirts and join the club, bring the damn ice as well as the appys and a dessert.
I will leave early and wait in my car till the appointed time to ring the bell.
I had an encounter at KFC this week. Yes, I know I should know better and should at least check my order before leaving.
I know that this food isn't even all that good for me, but PMS always has me craving junky, fast food.
Someone should lock me in a closet for those 2 days when it's all I want.
However, NEVER should someone mess with me when the hormaones are a ragin. Teri can attest to that --- she's seen them rise ...
I went back to KFC, threw down my bags and called the girl over to the counter. Yes. I did it w/out waiting in line.
I tell her I didn't get my whole order and she just looks at me.
"My buffalo wings aren't in there."
"yes, she ordered the BBQ & the Buffalo wings." says the girl on the register.
"I didn't fill the order so I don't know." says the apathetic girl.
"Funny, cause I stood here and watched you fill the order and you probably don't remember because you were busy chatting to your friends standing at the counter!"
With that she turns around and goes to get my wings. Then she has the nerve to glare at me. To which I responded like a male elk during breeding season being challenged by another male elk.
Seriously-- I lowered my gaze and locked eyes and shifted my head forward slowly and delibritely.
Register girl tells her to give me some extra wings as she is smart enough and close enough to feel the rage pulsating off of me.
Apathetic girl tosses the box of wings on the counter and turns away w/out even looking at me.
"Hey!" Yeah me again.
When she turns around glaring at me I say, "It's a shame you choose to get upset with me for your mistake. A mistake that was made because you were paying attention to your friends and not your job. How easy would it have been to just apologise and get my wings?"
It is only at this point that a manager pokes his head out.
"Go back to your napping in the office. Your help is only as good as your managerial skills or lack there of."
Register girl apologises again.
"Thank you, you may be the only person here who actually earns their paycheck."
I turn around into the faces of people who aren't sure whether to smile at me or duck for cover.
I take a deep breath, smile and say, "You should check your order before you leave."
And off I go.
Oy.
Hope your husband's feeling better. Wishing him a better doctor, and better days ahead.
As for your article - hi five, lady! I am tired of the apathy I see everywhere. I bite my tongue most often, being the nicey nice (ugh) person that I am. But once in a while I lose my cool. I think companies/doctors will begin to see the light once a certain point of our collective tolerance is reached.
If you get a chance, read the book "Tipping Point" and its sequel. The original talks about how ideas become catchy. The sequel talks about how even small business decisions can make a big difference in the company's graph. E.g. unpainted walls at a coffee place can slowly erode business, as employees/customers may start thinking owners don't care (its hard to explain here).
Somewhere after the nineties, customer service has gone down the tubes in various industries. I guess the high paid, efficient and polite people were shown the door and replaced with impolite, incompetent dorks. Some of them have gotten my ire after a few times of stupidity. Sometimes I wonder if I give people far too many chances.
If asking people to clean up their act means being a rebel - then I'll wear the letter R proudly.
pRiya ;)
Thanks, btw :)
I am BITCH, hear me roar.
Most of the time I feel like I am MOTHER to all that walk the Earth. Why is it that no one has manners, no one is friendly, no one cares, AND no one understands that when you work in a service or retail position that your approach makes ALL the difference.
I could go on forever - but I won't - you've said it all.
My advice - tell the doctor where he has gone wrong - and don't leave anything out. Let him know how you both have suffered physically and emotionally. Hopefully he will at least feel terrible enough to think twice the next time he calls someone in for a "check up." Tell him to think of Steve’s knee every time he sips a glass of vino abroad. Then say, sayonara!
I’m all about telling it like it is, and adding flare. Sometimes you have to hit a nerve get your point across. Make them understand why it is THEM.
My boat is tipped – has been for a while!
Miss you, Teri.
Here's to us...non apathetic and definitely not complacent.
Ciao to you all...
As for this doctor... Hey, I'm from Jersey. You want I should get some of the boys together, maybe go see this doctor guy? Say something like, "Hey doc, this here's a pretty nice office you got. Shame if something were to happen to it."
Keep on fighting, LLS. And if you need a little muscle for your tea party, you know who to call. :)
nice rant, you hit the nail on the head.
And I agree that rampant apathy is a sign of the times. I recently read a couple of old-fashioned motivational books by Dale Carnegie and Maxwell Maltz. The sincerity of purpose which was common, even expected, decades ago is now rare. May your husband miraculously find a doctor with that trait.
Hugs for you and your husband,
Betty
In my opinion, small tho it is, society has become apethetic about way too much. If it does not directly affect them they hve no stance. The war in Iraq, spousal abuse, child abuse, to name a few are really good examples.
I watch people daily not standing up for their rights and just rolling over to take it up the wazooo. I have tried really hard to teach my daughter that you don't have to act like a Bitch or an Ass to be assertive and stand up for yourself. As the generations progress it just seems to get worse.
O.k...I'm now off my soapbox..hehe
Boy, you sure hit the nail on the head one more time. How do you do it week after week?
I agree with all the other postees, ditch the quack, and get a real duck ahem, I mean doc. We all know they are called "practictioners" (sp) for a reason. . . US. . ., they PRACTICE on US!!! You know the story about my hubby's operation. What a joke, just ask him.
I know how long your man has been going thru this, but as usual, I thought you had it under control. I apologize for not paying more attention. For that I am guilty as sin.
This lack of respect/care/or involvement in the "now", has been rearing it's ugly head for a very, very long time. Everytime I said something, I was told to "mind my own business". Well, guess what, now that it has gotten out of hand, I hear people say that they don't understand what happened. They say something stupid like, "I tried to be good, and mind my own business. When did things get to be soooo bad?" Well to that I say. It happened while you were busy keeping quiet, and letting things "go".
I love tea, parties, food, and ice, especially on a "hot" day, over a "hot" topic. Count me in.
It is time to take a stand!!!!
Love ya gal,
Miz Prinny
I'm not sure hero is right but I will thank you just the same. :) And I am glad to bring smiles to you, there is always a positive from the negative if we look.
Teri~
Tell Ms Q I say hey back at her!
I miss you guys and could really use a girls afternoon on Ms Q's deck right about now.
This time though, I will hold someone's arm before navigating the stairs though. ;P
I love those transitions!
It is my belief; the foundation of our apathetic society is parallel with the calendar year. Think of the 1950's, when "Gladys", of the famed show "Bewitched", knew the entire neighborhood's business. In reality, she did care although, seemingly for the "wrong" reasons, she still had presence. Every family oriented block had "their" Gladys, and the small problems were sweated. Today, New York City, OMG if you even greet a stranger on the street! I think society as a whole is gradually escaping the morals of our previous generations, and this is the most frustrating; as we, side step the teachings of our respected elders of our youths.
I, for one, can speak on the issue of Mr. F's knee! I have progressed further down this avenue, than he has. My advice would be to gain a second opinion; however, most importantly, remain POSITIVE in thought. The mind can do wonders about the quality of life.
In addition, here is some "Food for Thought". You can hire a professional to come to your home and clean and unclog the plumbing in your rest rooms; yet, doctors only occupy a "Practice"! Your home is handled by a Professional and your health is handled by a Practitioner! Oh, and by the way, history shows more years of experience with health care givers, than we have had rest rooms in our homes. Does this say anything about the health care givers of today, and when will they stop practicing? I don't know.
Reach
Granted, I am a guy and we know what this reputation brings; however, I did not know that KFC is a "placebo" for PMS. Could this be true?
Is it wrong to find humor in this fact, if it is a fact? Or, does it matter "when" I ask these questions.
Imagine the KFC commercials.
Anyway,
Reach
Thank you for such wonderful advice...as always.
Ciao bella...hope your week is going well. Me...I'm exhausted from my R & R!
got my point. Here's to caring more!
Ciao chica...enjoy!
Thanks for joining my fight against the apathetic and complacent boobs of the world.
Ciao bella...
Ciao bella...enjoy!
Thanks for the support chica. Ciao for now.
Ciao bella...hope all is well in your kingdom.
Thanks for joining my little rebellion. Tomorrow I am going to tell the manager at the local grocery to get the filthy baskets (carts) cleaned or I will take my shopping elsewhere. I have several friends that will join in as well.
Ciao bella...enjoy the light.
Ciao bella...as always, you make me smile.
Ciao bella...miss you too.
As for the boys, just be sure to tell them to leave the gun but take the cannoli. ;)
Ciao dude...I'm still smiling.
c r a z y!
Good luck with your situation chica...I'll catch up on your site soon. Playing catch-up after being away.
Ciao bella...take care.
Here's to sending the &*^%$ sandwiches back!
Ciao bella...have a great week.
Here's to sincerity of purpose chica. Excellent choice of words.
Ciao bella...hugs to you and the child. I'll stop over soon to see what's been whirling over at your place lately.
Ciao bella...take care and keep up the good work.
Ciao bella...we'll catch up soon.
Ciao chica...I'm still smiling.
Ciao dude...thanks for sharpening my point. Hope all is well...and thanks also for the good wishes on Mr. F's knee debacle.
this comment is not about your post, it is for your personal thoughtfulness...you take the time to reply to each and every one of your readers in a personal message..this tells so much about your caring and thoughtful character..how sweet and kind of you to take the time to do it. thanks for your lovely articles. I enjoy reading you..sometimes I do not have a comment about your subject but I still read for you and enjoy it!
Shows a great respect and thoughtfulness on your part.
That's probably why we read your posts as faithfully as we do.
Some weeks I have to read over it several times before I fully comprehend and appreciate the subject matter. Dense brain ya know :-)
Thank you Teri!
So...thank you!
Ciao bellas...
I wrestle with this one alot. If only there was a perfect way around it.
Here's to handling these encounters appropriately, even if it means not turning the other cheek!
Ciao chica...enjoy!
I am ready to have a tea party with you and I can bring the ice. When I encounter a clerk (blockbuster or wherever) doing something other than his job and it delays others and myself, it pushes me over the edge. I am usually less that politically correct or sweet with my lashings. My wife would never do such a thing and always expresses her preference on how I should have handled it. The next time it occurs I heed her advice and lash with more precision and eloquence. She is right, but doesn’t understand how I can relate to movie ‘Falling Down’ with Michael Douglas. I do not advocate his methods, but they are not a far cry from reality. It is inevitable that when I go out to a big box store, I am frustrated and annoyed. Service has gone out of style with era of wearing your collar up and big gold chains.
Yes, some aspects of our culture and big box businesses have deteriorated, but other things have improved. More selection, better pricing, and … well I cannot think of a third. My point is there is always a silver lining even if you have to go out and chase after it.
Your writing is inspirational and amusing. I am glad that I bookmarked this blog when I accidentally found it. Keep up the scribes of what needs to be and should be said.
~Ciau
I'm also glad you have your wife to "temper" you a bit, but it sounds as if you make a nice balance.
I'm glad you enjoy my musings. I post a new article every Friday. Hope you pop in again.
Ciao for now...
Why did the neighbor teenager flip the bird at my husband when said husband scolded him for taking a corner too fast? An accident (with injuries) had recently occurred at that same spot. My children saw the kid flip the bird. We know this kid, the parents. And my husband is the county prosecutor. Isn't any one of these conditions enough to prevent that finger from flying?
Several years ago, I had a traumatizing breast biopsy. During the prep procedure (which was excruciating) while I was already doped up, one of the MDs asked if I were sure I had selected the procedure I preferred. Maybe in a state of hazy pain, I wasn't in any condition to have that discussion? Maybe it was a little late? They assigned me a cheerleader who, of course, was half my age. If I could have spoken at that point, I would have said"No, I'm NOT doing well and no, my name isn't Team. So stop with the Go-Team-GO!" I woke twice during the surgical procedure -- I guess I should be thankful the nurses were comparing shopping lists instead of talking about ME. Finally, as I was being prepped to be sent home, the bra fitter person stared at my pitiful chest and said, "Are you small or extra small? Small or extra small?" Now this woman looked like a cow, but I never would have said, "Are you a holstein or a long horn? Holstein? Long horn?"
A neighbor dog barked all night last night. My husband went out and found it. It's the psychiatrist's golden retriever. It's too bad the man is such a hot head and his family are such sound sleepers. His pet violated two ordinances. Do we really have to call in the sheriff to be able to sleep at night?
You wouldn't know it, but I'm normally a very upbeat person. I guess I'll have to come back and redeem myself with anecdotes about my children. :-)
I hope all is well with your health. I post a new article here every Friday. Please stop in again and join us.
Ciao for now...and have a great week.
I will stop by again but in the the meantime, I do want to tie up some lose ends.
We avoided eye contact with the Bird Flipper and his parents for a while, but things are fine now. Actually at the time it happened, my husband turned around, followed the teen to his cul-de-sac home and told his parents. She said we'd get an apology. Still waiting, but not anxiously. :-)
Both that biopsy and the following one on the other side nine months later (microcalcifications) turned out cancer-free and clear. I had the second procedure (a different one) at a different hospital, different town. The first one involved threading a wire from one tiny grain of calcium to the next and then cutting along the wire. The second was more or less taking a sample in the area in question. I guess the point I failed to make was that there was apathy (or maybe just stupidity?) at each and every level.
Lastly, my husband called the sheriff on the barking dogs last night. He said in our little county, only two deputies are on duty at night so we weren't a priority. But I'm glad he called.
I love your writing. Keep it up!
Thanks also for rounding up those loose ends for me. I'm happy that all is well with your health and that you and yours are stepping up and speaking out. Even if it doesn't always take care of the problem, at least we know that we tried. For instance...those gracery baskets at my local market are filthy again. I'm thinking of contacting the health department. ;)
Ciao bella...have a great week.