Shoetree don't bother me

I’m not a man expert, but I am somewhat of a shoe expert—and I’m convinced that there are three types of guys in the world. That’s right; I’ve narrowed it down to just three. There’s the “shoetree” kind of guy; there’s the guy who knows what a shoetree is, but will never use one; and finally, there’s the guy who says, “Shoe tree? Since when do shoes grow on trees?”

As I stood looking at the display of cedar shoetrees in the Nordstrom men’s department recently, these were the thoughts running through my mind. Not sure if I would call it an epiphany. It was more like my own brand of sideways clarity. When I was single, I dated each of these types. So it was that I took an interesting journey down memory lane...with a lot of old shoes walking along beside me.

You can probably guess which type of guy I married, since there I was looking at men’s shoetrees. So perhaps my opinion is biased, but hey…it’s my her-story and I’m sticking to it. Currently, I have two shoetree guys in my life. The eldest stepson is just like dear old dad. The youngest? Not so much. He’s the “I know what it is, but ain’t ever gonna use it” type.

As I left Nordstrom with two new sets of shoetrees, I laughed as I realized how much we can tell about a guy from the way he treats his shoes. And I’m not just talking polish.

Let’s start with the shoetree guy. He always uses shoetrees in his shoes…even his golf shoes. In other words, he takes good care of his shoes.

It’s been my experience that a guy who takes excellent care of his shoes usually takes the same care with other things in his life. He may seem a bit “anal” to some and even emotionally distant, as he’s usually not a great communicator on the personal level. He does try—even though most things related to affairs of the heart leave him confused and frustrated. There’s usually no gray area—just black and white. He’ll listen to reason, if applied with plenty of logic and proof. Yes, the proof for this guy is always in the pudding. He usually excels in his chosen profession and he’s seemingly accommodating, if somewhat manipulative. His “things” are very important to him—including clothes, watches, cars and relationships. In fact, his tangible things are more important to him than your things are. In other words, your shoes don’t matter, unless of course, you’re sharing a closet with him. Be careful. If you leave a pair of shoes lying around where they don’t belong, they just might end up in the trash. Trust me on this one…I speak from experience.

The shoetree guy’s biggest downfall is that he wants everything to be perfect—including the women in his life. He has high expectations and tends to put loved ones on a pedestal. Living with a shoetree guy can be challenging, but rewarding. You might say that you need to scratch beneath the surface to find his “sole.” I encourage you to scratch away. Once exposed, the stable shoetree guy can be a lot of fun. While he may not be the most spontaneous guy, he knows how to enjoy himself as long as he’s wearing the right pair of perfectly groomed shoes. Don’t let his high expectations “shoe” you away. He may seem intimidating at first, but chances are that he’s really a hushpuppy, unless you mess with his shoetrees…or hangars, or closet. Shoetree guy usually stays true to his shoes and knows how to make a commitment. It may take him a while to analyze the situation and decide on the fit; but once he decides on a pair of shoes, he holds on to them and treats them right. He’s in it for the long haul and probably has a pristine pair of Bruno Magli loafers from the late eighties still holding a place of honor in his closet.

Footnote: Some shoetree guys can be real heels, but not my shoetree guys. They’re solid Bohemian leather, from head to toe.

The guy who knows what a shoetree is, but doesn’t care and would never use one, is quite different from the shoetree guy. I call him the favorite guy. Not because he’s my favorite—it’s because he gets a new pair of “favorite” shoes and wears them day and night for weeks on end until he quite literally wears them out. He may periodically give his shoes a shine, but eventually he unceremoniously tosses them in the back of the closet, or the trash, when he’s worn them quite thin. He’s this same way with belts, sweaters—even relationships. He uses his things up—enjoys them to the fullest—and unfortunately shortens their useful lifetime. His downfall is that once his favorites are tattered and worn, he feels remorseful and wishes he had taken better care of them when he had the chance. The remorse is short-lived, but still, it would never occur to him to use shoetrees and change his favorite ways. He just completes the cycle again, including the remorse, and then moves on to a new favorite…which is usually remarkably similar to the old favorite. Sometimes he even has a new favorite pair of shoes waiting in the box before he let’s go of his old pair.

It’s not that the favorite guy is commitment shy. He’ll make a commitment—but it’s usually a short-term commitment, conscious or not. I’ve found that things work out with this guy only if you are patient, go with the flow…and don’t try to make him wear the same pair of shoes for too long. The right pair of shoes is roomy, comfortable and accommodating. One pinch of the toes and this guy is on to a new favorite. He definitely doesn’t like any shoes to cramp his style. Eventually he can settle down with one pair of really great shoes. These shoes need to be up to the challenge and a perfect fit. They need to keep him on his toes. If you have the favorite guy in your life, don’t despair and don’t let him think he’s the only one who can leave shoes in your closet…or under your bed. Things can work out, but you need to be patient, firm and never, under any circumstance, let him walk all over you.

Footnote: When the favorite guy finally falls for one pair of serious shoes, he falls hard—hard enough to leave an imprint for life.

Finally, we get to the “fun” guy who thinks shoes grow on trees. This happy go lucky guy lives for the moment. He has a motto—whether he knows it or not. It’s always “easy come, easy go” for this guy. I call him the fun guy because he likes to play. He wants to have fun and enjoy life at all cost. He’s not interested in long-term commitments or serious business. He doesn’t really care how long his shoes, relationships or jobs last as long as he always has the right pair of shoes for every occasion. He does have one thing in common with the Shoetree guy. His shoes are usually in excellent condition. Without a doubt, the fun guy has the most extensive collection of shoes. Some are cast away without a thought, never to be worn again. Since many of his shoes don’t get a lot of wear and tear, upkeep is not a problem. He is constantly trying on new shoes…and doesn’t always buy, if you know what I mean.

Shoes are expensive, but that doesn’t pose a problem for the fun guy. Somehow, he always manages to end up on his feet...while wearing the perfect shoes…or snowboard, or skis, or basketball shoes, hiking boots or stilettos. How does he pay for them? Not a problem. He gets a little help from his friends: Mr. Visa, Mr. MasterCard, Mr. Discovery and Mr. American Express. When he’s all tapped out, he may get a little help from his stiletto of the month. His biggest downfall? Take your pick, but I’ll settle on the fact that he likes to wear a lot of different shoes—sometimes at the same time. Variety is the spice of life for the fun guy. As far as he’s concerned, shoes, relationships and careers do grow on trees. What about commitment? It’s a hike getting there, but many fun guys eventually settle down. There’s always the risk of a broken heel or two, but the journey can be exhilarating. He really knows how to play footsies. My advice for anyone in, or contemplating, a relationship with a fun guy: Make sure you’re not his first, second, or even ninth pair of shoes. And never let him try on for size before checking his wallet. Make sure he has both the funds and the desire to buy. Most of all, be sure the shoes will work in any situation. The key for the fun guy is versatility.

Footnote: Make sure the fun guy knows that you always have your walking shoes handy. Once he gets used to the idea of quality versus quantity, he’ll realize that one pair of really great shoes supersedes a thousand pairs of cheap shoes.

Final word: Shoes don’t necessarily make the man, but a shoetree—or lack thereof—can give you plenty of insight into his sole. As I said, this is my her-story and I’m sticking to it. And yes guys, I hear your rumblings and I see your point. In fact, I’ll raise you a few. The shoetree analogy works quite well for the chicas too. Want to know what type I am? Just check the title of this essay. Shoetree don’t bother me!

© 2007 Teresa G. Franta