Different strokes

There’s a good reason the saying, “Different strokes for different folks” has been around for a long time. It’s true—especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. The dynamics between men and women have been analyzed since the beginning of time—and yet they continue to mystify.

What works for one couple apparently doesn’t work for all couples. Sure, there are similarities, but some couples relate and communicate in what I can only describe as a foreign language—complete with foreign customs. Foreign to me, that is. That’s fine, because what works for someone else doesn’t have to work for me. It’s not my business, not my life. So it goes that I have my own pat answer at the ready whenever someone says, “I would never put up with that, would you?” I respond consistently with “It works for them.”

Now, whether or not it actually works for them, I’ve no clue. Every couple has different boundaries, different rules, and different sensitivities. There are the “don’t sweat the small stuff” couples; the “only sweat the small stuff” couples; the couples who seem to live separate lives and come together in the family abode for coffee in the morning, dinner in the evening and the occasional social requirement; and finally, there are the couples who are joined at the hip. I may not subscribe to three of these categories, but that doesn’t mean I am in the position to judge, nor should I be.

What goes on behind closed doors—unless abusive—is not something that hits my radar. Nor should it. But it seems that as a society, we’ve become more vocal about judging the relationships of others. Perhaps this has something to do with the “judgmental” reality shows that continue to top the Nielsen ratings week after week. Keeping up with the Joneses has taken on a completely new meaning. Keeping up means analyzing someone else’s relationship, gossiping about it, and then ultimately deciding that our relationship is better—much better—even when it’s not.

It’s an entirely new game show since the days when Gladys Kravits was peering through Darrin and Samantha Stevens windows…and the price is never right. This new program has new viewers and sponsors. Let’s call it the “Desperate American Real World Amazing Relationship Race.” It’s interactive, complete with audience participation. Cameraman not necessary. Speculation is enough. A little bloodletting? All the better. Think Rome. Think Coliseum. Think Gladiator.

Perhaps I exaggerate to make my point, but I believe we’ve gotten out of hand in casting judgment on our friend’s relationship chambers. Many of us live in communities governed by homeowner’s associations—or co-op boards. We already live under the microscope. Many people watch Big Brother and now Big Brother—and Big Sister—are watching us. Our lives are the true reality programming…but they’re not reality fodder for others to chew the fat on and regurgitate for entertainment’s sake. We don’t need sponsors, we don’t need ratings, we don’t need focus groups—and we don’t need interactive audiences. We just need friends who accept us…and love us regardless.

Bottom line: “Different strokes” for different folks is not a TV program…it’s a “fact of life.” It all comes down to minding our own business. So “let’s make a deal.” Let’s not make entertainment of other people’s “picket fences.” Let’s not analyze our friends’ relationships as if we are “CSI” technicians. Finally, let’s not impose our own “law and order” unto others. “Deal or no deal?”

© 2007 Teresa G. Franta