How does your garden grow?

Why is it that the grass always seems to be greener on the other side of the fence? Maybe it is and maybe it's just an illusion—an oasis that will disappear the moment you stake your claim. You buy a new car, and then a few months later another car comes along that you think you might like better. Instead of enjoying your new car smell, you just can't wait for the lease to end. Eventually you get the car you lusted after (note: the word "car" is exchangeable here). You drive the car a few miles—maybe on a weekender road trip—and it's not at all what you expected. In fact, it's not even as good as your last car. You know...the one you never appreciated until it (or he/or she) was gone. Maybe you long for what you don't have simply because you don’t have it. Perhaps a friend's new relationship seems more attractive than your current relationship. It's always the same, and we've all been there—even if we won’t admit it. Married folk envy the singles—thinking they have more fun and certainly more freedom. Single people long for the so-called security of a long-lasting marriage. If they only knew...nothing is ever as good as it seems to be, unless it involves chocolate.

Why do we want what we don't have—and sometimes can’t, or shouldn't have? Is it human nature? If so, how can we keep it from making us crazy and ruining a good thing? While grazing with some friends recently, one soon-to-be divorced friend put it this way: "Pay attention to your own pastures and tend them well." I agree.

If the grass on the other side of the fence is greener, then there must be a reason. Maybe it's watered more often and fertilized regularly. Have you watered and fertilized your lawn lately? If not, it's time to put on your gardening cap, or whatever you wear when mowing your lawn—and get busy. Maybe your yard is doing great. It's watered, fertilized and the envy of every one on your block, except you. Why can't you see how wonderful it is? Are you sure it can survive a cold spell—or a little neglect? Consider this. It's not called the garden of earthly delights for nothing.

We never really know what goes on in one another's lives. Unless you're Superwoman or my mother—and I'm pretty sure you're not— it's impossible to know what goes on behind closed doors. I remember one friend who had what we all thought of as the perfect husband, and the perfect marriage. Until of course, he left her for his hairdresser—who, by the way, uses the same mens room he does. There was also the woman that lived on the corner of the street where I grew up. In the perfect two-story house, with the perfect yard and two perfect cats. When she finally moved away and the house underwent some renovations, we found out that she had been stealing her neighbor's water for years (note: the word “water” is exchangeable here). No wonder her garden was flourishing. I wish I could say the same for her neighbor.

This reminds me of a married friend who longs for what she thinks are greener pastures. She thinks that all of her friend's lives are better—or at least more exciting—than hers. Right now they are. Why? Because no one has watered, fertilized, or even mowed her lawn in a long time. She hasn't done any recent gardening in her yard either. Her lawn used to be beautiful and well maintained until she and her husband hit a little cold spell. Now a new neighbor has moved in next-door and is eyeing her water. Mind you, this neighbor is very attractive and very single. Whether or not my friend's water is in jeopardy because she isn't using it, because it's under appreciated, or because it's not hot enough is not the point. The point is that she once had a beautiful garden that went through a little cold spell. Some people say this happens every seven years—like an itch you just can't scratch enough. The cold spell ran its cycle. A few flowers died, a few weeds appeared, and some grass grew where it shouldn't. All she or her husband had to do was plant a few new flowers, apply some weed killer, and give the yard a quick trim and some fertilizer. Alas, they did not. They let the grass grow long, the weeds spread, and the flowers die. They even stopped edging. They've neglected their yard for so long that neither of them know how to save their garden without replacing it completely. I wish I had seen this coming. I would have shared my bottle of Miracle Grow. I use it sparingly, but often. As for my friend, I am sorry to say that she feels that it's way too late for any miracles. I maintain that it's never too late. It may take awhile, but if you once had a healthy yard with a beautiful garden, then the soil is good and it's worth cultivating. That is unless someone else (like that single, very attractive next-door neighbor) has already planted a new tree in your yard and has completely rerouted your water supply. This hasn't happened to my friend yet—but she and her husband need to grab their hoe, rake, and insecticide and get busy. Unfortunately, my friend has another plan. She wants to start over from scratch and call in a specialist. She has her eye on the landscape architect who lives down the street. She really thinks he can get her yard in tip-top shape. I tell her to be careful. She just might get what she asks for and it may not have that new car smell she expects.

This reminds me...I better get to the hardware store soon. I'm running low on fertilizer. Maybe I'll get some more insecticide too. I just saw a moving van pull into the neighborhood—and a gorgeous red head in a convertible right behind it. I'm not about to let any grass grow under my feet. Be warned. Have weed wacker, will travel.

© 2005 Teresa G. Franta