What would Shakespeare do?

To set-them-up, or not to set-them-up, that is the question. A friend of mine, who is fresh out of a serious relationship, wants me to set him up with the sister of another friend. Both are intelligent, hard-working, attractive and health conscious people. Seems like a no-brainer. So what's my dilemma? I've been burnt before and I’m tired of being unjustly tainted. Yes, I said tainted. Setting up a friend on a blind date is a lot like loaning money or selling your car to a friend. There’s always a chance that the friendship will suffer. I still hear about the problems that the brother of an ex-boyfriend of mine had with the Camaro I sold him a thousand years ago. Never mind that this kid never changed the oil in the car. For some reason I was at fault because it was once mine. The car always ran perfectly well for me and I’m still the tainted one. To this day, I can hear my ex-boyfriend’s mother saying, “…remember that Camaro John used to have, you know, the one Teri sold him.” Pretty obvious tainting, if you ask me. Maybe this is why the boyfriend is an ex. The mother/son thing has always puzzled me.

Then, there’s the friend I loaned money to over a year ago. She has since gone to Hawaii and Mexico and she's bought a new computer. Plus, I recently heard a rumor about a new high def plasma TV. You know the rest of the story. I haven’t been repaid and I’m no longer on her speed dial. Worse, I miss her friendship more than the money. Well almost. I think the high def plasma did me in. Actually, I know it did.

Setting-up your friends has the same risk factor. It's dangerous. Even if the set-up turns into a long-term relationship, you're still not safe. In fact, this could be worse. They may get married, have kids and then get a divorce five, ten or fifteen years later—and you’ll always be known as the one who arranged the set-up. Now you’re tainted. You even feel guilty. As if somehow you should have known that they would end up fighting about who gets to keep the ugly sofa in the den that neither of them ever liked anyway. Never mind that on their wedding day you were toasted with pricey champagne—and people you had never met before slapped you on the back and told you that they had never seen a more perfect couple. Enjoy the glory while it lasts—it’s short-lived. Right after the cake cutting ceremony, the tainting process begins. If she drinks too much, it’s your fault—you introduced them. If he comes home late and hangs out with the guys too much, it’s your fault—you introduced them. If he cheats, you guessed it—it’s your fault again. After all, you did introduce them to each other. My friend's mother is still mad at her for introducing her brother to his future wife some 10 years ago. All this friend did was meet her brother for coffee. The waitress was an acquaintance of hers and she politely introduced them. By the time they finished their coffee, the waitress and her brother had exchanged numbers. Now how is that her fault? Her brother and his wife are glad she introduced them—they’re happily married and have four children. But my friend's mother, she’ll never forgive her daughter. I guess it’s one of those mother/son things again.

So here I am. For several days I’ve contemplated going against my better judgment and arranging a casual meet and greet so that my friend and the sister can get acquainted. The phrase “to set-them-up or not to set-them-up” keeps running through my mind. Recalling Romeo and Juliet—and their doomed romance—makes me wonder how Shakespeare would have handled this back in his day. Definitely a little family feud, and perhaps a bit of betrayal, maybe murder…and surely a tainted friendship or two. Okay, I realize that Shakespeare is not going to provide me with a convincing argument to get involved. But how can I say no? I can't. So I might as well quit agonizing and give in. I decide to email my friend the sister’s phone number and hope for the best. Maybe they won’t hit it off.

Then, out of the clear blue cyber-sky, the perfect solution hit me. One of parties already subscribes to an online dating site. I'll suggest to both parties that they subscribe to the same site—without knowing each other’s name. They can post their pictures, tell their stories and see what happens from there. They’re so eager to have others choose for them, let’s see if they can pick each other out from the crowd. If they never meet, maybe it was never meant to be. If they meet, and it doesn’t’ work out, they can blame their computer, their Internet provider, or even the World Wide Web. They just can’t blame me! And if by chance the stars are aligned "just so," they might find each other amongst all of the head shots and fall in love forever and ever. If so, we can chalk it up to fate, kismet or even serendipity.

I know that a fairy tale ending for these two is quite a reach, but at least I've narrowed the field a bit. More importantly, I’ve taken myself out of the line of fire. Perhaps I’ll get the fairy tale ending—living happily, untainted, ever after…with all my cherished friendships still in tact.

The end.

© 2005 Tersesa G. Franta