Girls' rules

Sometimes, when playing with girls, the rules are different. Take, for instance, the game of golf. When a friendly wager enters the competition, the stakes are often different and so are the rules. You might say that it’s a completely different ball game when you play with the girls.

Recently, I played a round of golf with a good friend. She and I decided to play skins. For those of you not familiar with skins, the basic principal is that the person with the lowest score on each hole wins the amount wagered (the skin) on the hole. We bet a dollar a hole. A basic rule I’ve always adhered to while playing skins is “one tie all tie.” Meaning if more than one person gets the lowest score (a tie) on a hole, then everyone playing moves on to the next hole and the wager, or skin, for the tied hole (or holes) carries over to the new hole. Whoever wins the new hole gets the skin for new hole and any skins from any preceding tied holes. It’s actually pretty simple…or at least I thought it was.

Not on this day. I walked away from the fifth hole happily thinking I was a buck ahead of my friend on the skins. I had the lowest score on that hole, and we had tied the previous hole. My math told me that I picked up the skins from both holes. As my friend and I drove off to the next tee box, I was surprised when she informed me that I was only a buck (or skin) behind her. This was a perfect example of “girls’ rules,” and I do mean girls rule. It seems that the girls don’t play by the men’s rules…they don’t like to carry over the skins. If someone ties a hole, then that hole doesn’t count for skins. It’s almost as if the hole never existed.

I played by the girls’ rules, but I wasn’t happy. When I cautiously asked my friend about the way I thought it should have been scored, she looked at me as if I had lost my mind and told me that only the guy members of her club carry over the skins. I hid my feelings and decided that I really needed to learn how to play with the girls. It’s never been a specialty of mine. In fact, I’ve always sucked at it. It’s not that I think that the guy’s rules are better, or that I’m used to playing with the guys—which I am—it’s just that I don’t “get” the separate set of rules.

Curious, I asked my friend how she and her friends played skins with the guys, meaning their husbands. She told me that the girls never play skins with the guys because the rules are different. I thought of the many times I’ve played skins with guys in the past 17 years, including my husband and my boys. I smiled. I then thought about the fun I would have missed had I never played skins with the guys. I didn’t find it appealing. I found it rather sad—especially as it is the girls’ choice to play by these different rules.

On the way home that day, I began thinking of other girl/guy rules. The phrase, “separate but definitely not equal” came to mind. Now I don’t want you to think I’m bashing the chicas, as I am not. I am a chica…albeit rather a sideways chica. I just wonder if some of these little, seemingly inconsequential rules are what keeps us forever separated from the boys and nowhere near an equal playing field.

For the first time in my life, I think there’s something to be said about the phrase “if you want to play with the boys.” As long as we girls continue to play by different sets of rules, then the longer we perpetuate an unequal status. Sure, there are times when the differences between men and women need to be handicapped…but not while playing skins. There’s already a golf handicapping system in place that takes ability into account. We don’t need another system in place—especially one that accounts for the lack of testosterone…or more appropriately, balls.

It was interesting that at the end of our 18 holes that day, my friend and I were even on skins. Not one dollar exchanged, which I realize was the goal from the beginning. My friend actually told me that one of the reasons the girls play this way is so that no one is at risk of losing too much money. My logical response was to suggest they lower the wager and play 50 cents a hole, or for goodness sake, a quarter a hole. Once again, my friend looked at me as if I had lost my mind—and once again, I thought to myself that I really needed to learn how to play better with the girls. Alas, I fear that this may never happen. Then again, it might. It all depends upon how you interpret “play better.”

I’ve already decided that the next time I’m invited for a friendly game of skins with the girls, which may be never, I won’t check my metaphorical balls in the locker room. I’ll go to the driving range, practice my chipping and putting, and then I intend to shoot lights out. This is how I will “play better” with the girls. My goal? No ties. My intention? To win 18 crispy one dollar bills. Some may say this sounds like one of the boys talking. I say it sounds like a true competitor.

At this point, you may be thinking that I’m a dash too competitive…and I need competition to enjoy myself. Not true. However, if I compete, then I want a real competition. Let’s not say we did and don’t. Let’s do and call it a day. A good day, a fun day, an equal day…and hopefully on my part, a profitable day. Nothing makes an impression like dollars and cents. How does that saying go… “Money talks and…” You get my point. If I can win most of the holes outright, then maybe the girls will start carrying over the skins in an effort to share the wealth. Of course, they’ll probably start playing for 10-cents a hole. I don’t care. Just as long as the rules of the game are the same as the guys’ rules…and I’m not forced to play in a skirt.

Okay. I admit that I’m a competitor; I admit that I like to wager a bet now and then. I also admit that I like being one of the boys. What does this mean? I have no idea, but I’ll let you know if I ever figure it out. I do know that if girls want to rule, they need to lighten up on the girls’ rules. Roberta’s Rules of Order just doesn’t do it for me. Then again, Robert’s Rules of Order can use a bit of editing too, but that’s a different topic for another day.

Bottom line: I will “carry-over” the lesson I learned while playing skins with the girls. The next time I start to say or think that things should be different just because I’m a female, I’ll remember that when it comes to “skin,” we’re all created equally. I may not be able to scratch my balls, but I can certainly clean them with the ball washer found on the every tee box. Roughly translated: I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan...not because I’m a woman...it’s just that I think, therefore I am.

© 2007 Teresa G. Franta